nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
