fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
