Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
