my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
