Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
