The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
