I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
