we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
