she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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