Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
