Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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