i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
