I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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