i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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