All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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