I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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