Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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