i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well you can't waste a boner
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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