We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
