He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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