I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
