before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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