I'm really into asian looking animals
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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