how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
