omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
