i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i came on her dog
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
