I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
