Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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