you have to choose: penises or morals?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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