It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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