but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
