If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
