how can u be prego again
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
