I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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