My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we're making bets on your personal life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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