Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
