I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
