Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
