just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
