i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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