I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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