that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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