if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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