This is not my ceiling
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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