I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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