why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
