I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There r osticjed everywhere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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