I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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