it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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