I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
