There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
