my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
