My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
