i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
