Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
