What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
