Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
