Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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