You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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