yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
